Is this really me? Or is all a mask? Am I expressing my true self, or am I hiding behind a common misconception?
I would like to think not.
The reason I applied to become a writer at Memoires Of A MeDoll, was simply because I could think of no greater honour. I read this blog every single day and I was disappointed when there were no new posts. It was only after I applied and was accepted in this challenge that I began to think about becoming "famous". If I wrote for this blog, then who knows what could happen next? Could people start to pay attention to me? Could I become well known, an "elite" as some people call it.
It's only now that I am so close to the end of this competition that I am starting to let vanity seep in. My friend, Nicholas always asks me how I'm going with that "writing thing", and I say that I think I am going well. When I say that, I become so self-centred and I think "who am I kidding? I have to potential to win this and become famous on Stardoll!"
When I think that, I can't help but think "am I really that much of a self-absorbed, uppety bitch? Goodness, I sound so far up myself I can't breathe!". I try not to become an ostentatious grump, but some times, it's hard to help it.
The question put forward was "Am I blogging as myself or am I conforming to an image that I am not?"
To answer that question directly;
I blog for myself as much as I can.
What I mean by that is, being a (very recent) non-teenager, I still have that petty teenager self doubt. I don't feel like my honest opinion is not good enough. Like, I am not good enough. I have dressed things up to make them sound better, but I have never lied. I am always as honest as I feel comfortable with.
I guess, at times, I could be a bitch. But I try to be myself, and if others perceive that as a bitch, well then there is nothing I can do.
I'm no Barbie Doll, and if I was eliminated from this competition I would be devastated.
For the real me.